Parent Material
by thestupidgenius1123
Summary: "I was never, ever, ever going to live this down; the look on Iggy and Gazzy's faces promised me that much." One-shot. A lost chapter of Angel.


_**Parent Material**_

**A/N: Gosh. Hi guys. **

**I honestly don't have a very valid excuse of why I didn't post this two months ago. It's been sitting here, written and ready for editing, and I kept telling myself "I'll put it up right after **_**The Hardest Part**_**." Well, that story is waaay over and I never uploaded…**

**I have to be truthful, though. This update is my distraction from real life. This week has been a literal week from hell. Like, the hardest week of my entire life. That sounds really dramatic, but on top of a mountain of difficult school work, I lost two family members this week and went through a bit of health drama myself. As a matter of fact, everything that's happened this week has given me a permanent migraine. Fun, right? **

**The highlights of my week have been: **

**1. Sloganizer (It's a website. Hilarious. Distracting. Inappropriate.)**

**2. Timeflies concert. (HOOOMIGAWDCAL.)**

**3. Sleep. Always sleep. **

**4. Special K Pastry Crisps (My dinner yesterday and today. Woo!)**

**Anyways. I'm here to pull myself out of my self-pitying rut and give you guys my seventh hidden chapter. As you know/don't know, I've done hidden chapters for the first six books of the Maximum Ride series: **_**Sunk **_**(book one), **_**Clueless **_**(book two), **_**Talk **_**(book three), **_**IHOP **_**(book four), **_**Dilemma **_**(book five), and **_**How It Feels **_**(book six). **

**Now, it was a little rough writing this one. Most because I'm already writing two post-**_**Fang **_**stories, and I didn't want to reuse any ideas. But, anyone who's tried it knows that writing Max and Fang post-**_**Fang **_**is a tough challenge. Fortunately, I'm open to failure. **

**And since it's so hard to write Fax, and I'm already attempting that in two upcoming stories of mine, I'm not even going to try **_**here**_**. This will be mostly flock humor - the kind of flock humor that we definitely missed out on in the last few MR novels. **

**Okay. Before you read the story (if you're even still reading **_**this**_**), let me just say that I did not love **_**Angel**_**. When the novel came out, I literally almost cried when I didn't get it right away, and I told my parents they were ruining my life and I felt like I was going to die. Then, after I got it, I blamed them for buying it for me in the first place. I think I called it **_**"a torture chamber for my poor, Max-Ride-obsessed brain." **_

**With that said, this is my hidden chapter from **_**Angel: AMRN**_**. It's mostly dialogue. **

**Shit, this thing was really long. SORRY. **

**[Summary: "I was never, ever, **_**ever **_**going to live this down; the look on Iggy and Gazzy's faces promised me that much." A lost chapter of Angel.]**

**Excerpt - Chapter 8, page 30:**

"_**So, what are you saying?" I demanded. "I'm going to be queen?" I tried not to picture myself wearing a tiara. It just wouldn't work with the shabby jeans and hoodie look.**_

"_**Yes," the doctor said. "In a manner of speaking. And we intend for you to found a dynasty. And that dynasty will rule society until it has progressed enough to-"**_

"_**Overthrow the dynasty in a revolutionary, blood-filled coup!" Iggy said eagerly. **_

_**We all looked at him. **_

"_**Just saying." He sheepishly took a bite of cookie.**_

"_**Okay, you lost me," my mom said. "What exactly are you getting at?" **_

"_**It's very simple, Dr. Martinez," said Hansey. "We want Max to…breed. To produce heirs. Who will govern the world after she dies."**_

_**Dead silence for quite some time. We all stared at Dr. Hans, our haws dropped to various levels. Our lives had reached a new low of inhumanity. **_

MAX 

"This is _so _much better than the blood-filled coup," Gazzy stage-whispered.

"I feel like I'm in _Days Of Our Lives _right now," Nudge said, her eyes wide with amusement and interest.

While the others mused about how _hilarious _this was, I stared at Dr. Hans, ready to either kick him out of the house or cut him into a million tiny pieces and feed him to Magnolia. Whichever.

"I'm sorry," I said firmly, not sounding an ounce apologetic. I was never, ever, _ever _going to live this down; the look on Iggy and Gazzy's faces promised me that much. "Since when has my mission entailed getting pregnant at fifteen?"

"Max, we already told you, once you save the world-"

"I'm saving the world, Jeb," I said. "If I can do that right the first time, I won't need to be a queen or…produce heirs…or whatever." I leaned back against the couch, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Max, I know it isn't ideal, but it is necessary to be prepared-"

"So, now you're telling me to let the world go to hell and audition for Sixteen and Pregnant? Thanks a lot, _Dad_."

He flinched. He also looked kind of peeved that I kept interrupting him. Oh well.

"I think it would harm the world further if Max had kids," Iggy said. He put his hand to his chin, tapping it as he pondered this. "Think about it. A bunch of Max minions, running around screaming at people to not build bombs and have fun. Then what would be left of our world?"

I glared at him. Ella piped up from the corner, "Aren't you all technically Max minions? She did practically raise you."

"Yeah," Gazzy said. "But these kids would, like, have her genetic evil dictator-ness."

"Okay, guys, we get the point-" I began.

"Oh, my God, I think I'm going to have nightmares of a million little Maxes running around wreaking havoc and forcing people to go to school and art museums," Nudge said wryly.

I made a sound of protest. "Not fair! You guys would be stupid without my home schooling!"

"You looked up everything you taught us on Google!"

I paused. "…So?"

Iggy rolled his eyes. Gazzy giggled, then said, "So, basically, you guys are treating Max like a dog. You want her to _breed_? With someone _you _chose?"

I rubbed my forehead. The migraine was coming, I could feel it.

"A female dog…"

"Enough!" I said, shooting the entire room a frustrated glance. "I don't think the two delusional scientists understand how bogus their request is, but this little meeting is over. And I will _not _hear anything about this again. From anyone," I said, glaring at the Gasman and Iggy. "Understood?"

I stood up and looked around once more. The others were all holding back immature giggles. I had to admit this was the first time anything funny or entertaining had come up in a couple days, but still. Were they serious? Kids? With Dylan? Hell, with _anyone_? I don't even have to pretend that the whole _Dylan _idea is the most ridiculous part of this proposition. Children? Heirs? What the _hell_?

"I'm starving," I said, totally changing the subject. Without waiting for a response, I headed into the kitchen. Before I could leave the room, though, Jeb called:

"Max, Fang's not here anymore. You can't base your decisions on him."

Anyone who valued their life was completely still and silent after that. In a split second, I was all the way across the room, towering over Jeb.

"If you think for one second that my decision would be any different if he were here - hell, if he were the person you were _suggesting_, you're dead wrong. I'd still think you had a death wish for even mentioning it. The fact that you want me to do this with him-" I jerked a thumb in Dylan's direction "-is funny as hell. I can barely get through the morning without giving myself or someone else a concussion!"

"You and I both know that you're capable of raising children. You raised the flock." 

I gaped at him. I couldn't believe he was actually fighting me on this.

"Yeah! I didn't have to carry any of them to term, or give birth! Look at them! They barely even have morals!"

Gazzy picked a piece of food out of his teeth, glanced down, then ate it. I gagged. He caught what I'd said and cried, "Hey! We have morals! It's the manners that you forgot to teach us."

"See? Who really thinks I'm fit to raise a child? Anyone? No? Okay," I said.

Dr. Hans stood up. "Maximum, you and Dylan were created for this; for _each other_. It is dire to the survival of the human race that you make this sacrifice."

"Dylan and I were made for each other? He pushed me out of a tree this morning, then taunted me until I punched him in the face!"

"I did _not _push you!" Dylan said, speaking for the first time since this topic had come up.

"See? I don't care whether you programmed his brain to want me or not," I said angrily to Dr. Hans, "he and I would kill each other before we had a kid."

"I agree that this is a terrible idea," Mom said, looking at me worriedly. "I don't see what you expected to accomplish by bringing this up. Did you honestly think Max would go along with this?"

"Yeah," I said tiredly. "_Did _you?"

Jeb stood up. "If you don't succeed in saving the world, Max, there won't be many people left. And you won't live forever."

"Yeah, you made sure of that," I snapped.

Jeb ignored that. He continued on, as if he were teaching me a lesson and not trying to force me to sleep with some month-old mutant teenage clone. Yeah, when I say it like that it just sounds wrong, right? "It's important that you remember your role as a leader and a savior."

"Okay," I said, sizing him up. "And it's important for you to remember your role as a backstabbing traitor."

If this were a publicized verbal argument, the crowd would've been all like, _Ohhhhhhh. _

I spun on my heel and stomped towards the kitchen, ready to eat some food. I shoved the kitchen door open and, as I walked into the room, stubbed my toe on the doorframe.

And I swear, I cursed like a freakin' sailor. At the top of my lungs.

_Eff you, door! You messed with the wrong angry mutant!_

After a moment, I turned around, pointed to myself and said, "See? _Not _parent material."

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Review. **


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